Montreal is so quiet. It takes the strangest changing of gears to deal with this place.
I worked in Janie's basement today, putting insulation on all the water pipes. It felt good to do something other than vegetate, but i found myself wondering what happened to the fire I used to have for home improvement. Did I just remodel one too many? It's so crusty and nasty in janie's basement that I wore my orange flight suit. it may as well say L.A. COUNTY JAIL on the back. Where else do you see an orange jumpsuit? I walked over to outremont to visit terry and Yo; everyone was staring at my orange suit. I wished I'd worn something else.

This week is really about quitting smoking. It must be day VI or VII now. I'm not sure; it doesn't really matter. I work out at the Y every other day, and I'm reading SOMETIMES A GREAT NOTION. I think about New York, and Sara, and the film and all that shit, but it seems like another world now. Right now life is Montreal and a fresh dusting of snow every morning: Montreal is about weather that makes you stand up and take notice.

The part of life that I live for is somewhere in the future. This is like filler. I keep saying i'm going to go off to portugal or France, but I have trouble imagining anything so bold. Still, the thought of staying here is worse.

Tonight Vale and I went out for supper. It was very special and sweet. I think I finally saw all the work I've put into our post-realtionship: The trust and the vulnerability are tangible. We seem to be free of all the competitiveness and pretense that followed our breakup. I visited her new home, and came ustairs to say hi to Yann. It was all really nice.

When Vali and I said goodbye, I know we could have kissed, there on her front porch. I'll be thinking about that one for awhile. Underneath all the politeness, and the dutiful visits, I'd basically lay down my life for that girl. I guess she knows that.