Problem. I can't write about girl issues here. People might read it.

I can't write about dog issues.

I'm not going to write about my job.

And that doesn't leave a hell of a lot.

This is a bad day for blogging. Unless there's some great thought in my own mind that even I can't see. Just there behind the thicket of painting and realestate drudgery...

B comes to mind actually. I gave my notice today, which was friendly. And then we conversed a lot about firefighting (one of my areas of vicarious expertise). This is real guy-bonding stuff; expressing affection w/o confronting any akward issues.

B wanted to be a firefighter, but he couldn't get into the dept. apart from volunteering (affirmative action). He finally gave up and became a contractor full-time. If you talk to him about it, it's clear that was the defining non-event of his life. It's too bad, because he's a nice guy, and probably would have been good at it. I asked him why he didn't apply for Oakland or Frisco, and he said he wasn't mentally prepared to do the job in a big city - at least not at the time.

I was like: "Shit dude! I'd do it."

And probably get myself into a world of trouble, as I mange to do with everything else.

I told N today that i viewed my life, and most everyone's life as default of their ability versus their circumstance. Whatever we do, it's the most we could make, of what we had within ourselves, and we we were faced with from outside ourselves. Obviously what arises next is the question: Can we ever change; can we possibly do more - or do different? Or is the math too perfect? is the formula bulletproof?

You get these shows like FANTASY ISLAND, SURVIVOR or Canada'a THRILL OF A LIFETIME. The idea is that normal people are placed in extraordinary situations, and they can really know if they ever had something more in them than their banal workaday lives. I think I know what the answer is.

I need some lemonade for the fridgee. Something tells me I'm going to wake up and find myself very thirsty tomorrow morning.