Travel always leads to feelings of uncertainty in me. Knowing this is very valuable. I'm back in New York, and it's like a social experiment on myself. I say, if you ever want to know how you REALLY feel about something - I mean get into the unsocialized, inner-child- QUIT SMOKING. I was doing fine on the plane to New York, but when we landed I listened to my messages and both terry and David informed me that neither of them had received my flight itinerary, and they were both at different parties, in different boroughs, so i'd have to make my own way home. I'm in a cab, with 200 lbs. of lighting gak, with no keys to anywhere (and it's cold). Yeah, I was getting a little cranky.
Anyway. New York has changed, and it's exactly the same. I love it, and i rememebr why I left. I don't think it's healthy for the environment I live in, to be bigger, louder, more imposing or dominating than anything else in my life. New York drones everything else out. It's impossible to forget where you are, when you're in New York.

We played flag football in McCarren Park on Sunday. It was sunny, windy and brisk; just the weather I've missed from the east coast. When i met everyone else at the field I felt shy and didn't say much, even though they were all very nice. I never thought of myself as much of a football player, but I did alright. I actually made the game-winning touchdown. Oh baby.

Today at 3:20 in the afternoon I set back out for Williamsburgh from manhattan. It was really horrible traffic, everywhere, on every street, all day. Delancey street leading to the bridge was (as terry put it) "third world". I ain't driving into manhattan AGAIN during daylight hours. It's too claustrophobic. The island is busting open with big cars, and they're all fighting their way onto these old bridges that can't nearly accomodate them. I never noticed it before.

The best thing about this trip, and hgelping out with such a chronically disorganized film, is that i can really give a lot to people I love. Just being quite is the most valuable thing right now, as the yelling has begun in the production office. The more manic it gets, the greater my need to be calm and kind, and useful. That's the best thing about production: The better you get at it, the more you can give.